Centuries of Winter
by Mishelledor23
Summary: "Perhaps Sesshomaru is right, I am jealous. I think I need to meet this Izayoi". After InuTaisho's death, Sesshomaru's Mother tries to understand what happened and why. Pre-series. Complete


Disclaimer: Inuyasha isn't mine. But I gave Sesshomaru's mother the name Miyuki.

Be nice please! This is my first 1st-person POV story.

* * *

"Wife, will you join me, please?"

I kept my expression neutral, I didn't want to appear too concerned. My husband's behaviour had been…perplexing as of late. I knelt before him and smoothed my silks to perfection.

"Yes, husband?"

Toga's hands tensed on his knees. It was strange, seeing the most powerful demon of the West, arguably in all of Japan looking so nervous. When he spoke, I knew my suspicions were correct.

"I ask that you speak freely with me." He hesitated, looking more pensive than ever. "I have been a good husband to you, haven't I?"

"You have." I answered calmly, "I am content, and have been for centuries." Taking advantage of his invitation for me to be frank, I decided to come right out and say it. "Is this about your human mistress?"

His astonishment was almost comical.

"You knew?" He asked, abandoning formality altogether.

"Of course, my servants hear and see everything."

Toga grumbled, and I nearly laughed again. This wasn't the first time my servants had reported something to me that he wished they wouldn't. War plans and anniversary gifts and such.

"You're not angry?" He pressed, leaning towards me. "Tell me if you are, I won't tolerate any games here." I met his eyes, a burnished gold just a few shades darker than my own. In all my life, he is still the most majestic man I have ever laid my eyes on.

"No Toga, I'm not angry." I assured him, "Our marriage has been everything I expected it would be." That is, respectable and comfortable. I provided him with an heir, a son ideal in every way, and in exchange, I was permitted to do whatever I pleased and want for nothing. He still didn't look like he believed me, so I added,

"You have been faithful to me for hundreds of years. I'm honestly just surprised it took you this long to take a mistress."

He didn't look consoled. I leaned towards him, allowing concern to creep into my features.

"She's pregnant." Toga admitted, "She will give birth soon." I blinked, genuinely taken by surprise. I suppose I shouldn't have been, human women seemed to become pregnant far easier than demon-females did. But it made everything that I had suspected become real and that felt strange. Like there was a twist in my stomach.

"Of course, I can't know for sure, but I'm certain it will be a boy. I can't explain, it's just a feeling."

A son. A rival heir. A rival _half-demon_ heir. I shook my head. What was I thinking? No one could defeat my Sesshomaru, let alone a half-demon. The boy was no threat.

Toga took my hand and squeezed it.

"I am sorry, Miyuki. Honestly." I didn't pull away, but I wasn't going to give him the reassurances he was looking for.

"When will you tell Sesshomaru?"

Toga shook his head slowly, as though a large weight had settled onto his shoulders.

"When the time is right."

* * *

I was in my sun-room having my nails lacquered by my favourite two maids, when my son came bursting in. Perhaps he wasn't ideal in every way after all, his temper was very irritating at times. I never saw him do it, but it was apparently very common for him to punch and throw rocks at the toad demons I provided for him.

He paced back and forth, berating me for taking the news of Toga's indiscretion so calmly and raging at his father for siring a half-breed. I waited for him to tire himself out. Whether he was four or four-hundred, his temper tantrums stayed the same.

"Why do you concern yourself with this?" I asked him when he finally fell silent, "Your position as heir to the West is secure, and in a mere hundred years, both this woman and her child will likely be dead. That is nothing. They are nothing."

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes, apparently unimpressed with my answer.

"You aren't fooling me, mother." He hissed, "You're jealous of that human wench and it's pathetic."

He stormed out.

"Jealous?" I mused out loud. I gently bade my servants to leave and walked to the balcony.

Jealous of a human. Ridiculous.

* * *

A month later, Toga was dead. When I received the news, I fell into a sort of daze. I get the feeling that the servants didn't know what reaction to expect from me, but that they had expected _a_ reaction.

I knew he had gone to settle things once and for all with Ryukotsusei, and had emerged victorious, but wounded. What I hadn't known was that immediately afterward, he had charged to the rescue of his human wench and newly born half-breed son. They had survived. He had not. To make matters worse, Toga had hidden the Tessaiga away somewhere Sesshomaru would probably never find it and left him only the Tenseiga. I of course, had inherited our estate and everything in it, as well as a necklace with a note.

 _Miyuki, please keep this Meido stone with you at all times. There will come a time when it is needed._

 _Please forgive me._

 _Toga._

I felt something at reading those words, but I can't say what exactly. Without a word or a tear, I placed the pendant around my neck.

My trance-like state lasted for weeks. Sesshomaru, disgusted by my 'weakness' and his father's 'betrayal' had disappeared. I had no idea when I would see him again. Possibly never. He was consumed with finding his 'true inheritance'.

His words from weeks earlier came back to me.

 _You're jealous, mother! Jealous of a human wench!_

Perhaps he's right. I think I need to meet this woman.

* * *

It didn't take me long to find where the woman was living now. She'd returned to the house of her father. I slipped past the castle guards with ease and no, I didn't kill any of them. Blood is notoriously hard to wash out. I followed the sound of crying and found myself staring at a woman that couldn't be more different from me if she tried.

I am beautiful, especially among inu-youkai. I am tall, silver-haired, golden-eyed. Dressed in my white silk and fur, I'd argue that I'm perfect, or close to it. This annoyingly gorgeous woman had raven black hair that reached almost to her knees and deep brown eyes. She was dressed in the kimono of a princess, gentle shades of pink and green, yet she was feeding her child from her own breast, rather than allowing a nursemaid. Interesting. When she saw me, it felt like one second stretched out over many. At first, she looked hopeful, but quickly realized that while I wasn't her husband, she had an idea who I was. Then, she looked worriedly at her baby who had ceased his feeding. Covering herself, she placed the child on the futon next to her and bowed so deeply, her forehead nearly touched the floor. I could smell the fear rising from her. Had such language not been beneath me, I might have cursed. She probably thought I was here to take revenge on her, or something to that effect.

"Rise woman." I commanded, "I do not intend to harm you. Do you know who I am?"

Her voice shook when she answered me, she was clearly still petrified of me.

"You are Toga's mate. Please, I beg of you, don't hurt my son!"

At the tears in her eyes, I felt that irritating twist in my stomach again.

"I am not in the habit of killing helpless infants." I said coolly, "I only want to talk."

Calmly, I approached and knelt a respectable distance away from her. For some reason, I didn't want her to be uncomfortable or afraid.

"What is your name?" I asked, keeping an eye on the squirming baby beside her. He was silent for now, but clearly displeased that his mother wasn't paying attention to him.

"Izayoi." She replied with another bow. She pressed her lips together as if she wanted to say something, but was afraid to. I took a guess as to what that could be.

"My name is Miyuki. I'll get right to it. Why did my husband sacrifice himself for the likes of you?"

I regretted the words the instant they left my lips. Izayoi flinched as though I had physically struck her, and tears welled up in her eyes again. She drew a shaky breath.

"He loved us." She whispered, "I don't know what else to tell you."

She didn't know that that was answer enough.

The baby started to cry. Izayoi lifted him into her arms and held him against her chest. Kissing his head, she cooed to him over and over again, she loved him, he was safe, she was here. He quickly quieted down, gazing up at her adoringly.

"Um. Would you…would you like to hold him?" Izayoi offered hesitantly.

I had been staring. How rude of me. I wordlessly held out my arms.

The baby was swaddled in a red cloth that I recognized as Toga's robe of the fire-rat. I had wondered where that had gotten to. He had a full head of silver hair and two triangular dog-ears. His eyes were wide, and the exact same shade of gold his father's eyes had been.

"My son, Sesshomaru takes after me. But your boy, he's going to look like his dad when he grows up." I said, surprising myself.

"His name is Inuyasha." Izayoi told me shyly. "Toga named him."

Inuyasha. As if anyone could forget the babe was half inu-youkai, better put it in his name too. How very like Toga.

I held the boy for a few more minutes. I do not feel the same disgust for half-breeds that many demons do. I was holding a baby, nothing more, nothing less. Finally, I returned him to his mother and rose to leave.

"I'm glad to have met you." Izayoi called after me before I could make my exit.

"Meeting you has been most enlightening." I returned.

I took the long way back to the manor.

I think I finally understand, the difference between Izayoi and I. It's like winter and spring.

Winter can be beautiful, but it's cold and every decision you make is based on survival. Establish dominance, find a mate, produce an heir. Don't get overly attached. If you lose a mate, find another. If you lose your child, get to work having another. When spring comes, that's when you can begin to do something for the sheer joy of it. That's when you can _live._

Toga had lived through centuries of winter. He had done everything he was supposed to, and more. He had been kind to me, but our marriage had been little more than a business deal, respectable and honourable and necessary to keep the empire he'd built. Then he'd met Izayoi and experienced his first spring. Survival had nothing to do with their affair, quite the opposite actually. If Izayoi's father had been a lesser man (or more of one, depending on who you ask), Toga's death would likely have left Izayoi selling herself for money to provide for her son. Toga had risked and lost his life, so she could live.

They must have known. But it didn't matter. The mighty Toga had been rendered helpless by his love for this woman. This Izayoi. I was jealous after all.

Madness.

She did seem nice though. And she had clearly loved him too.

I snorted in disgust. Why did she have to be so nice? Nice people don't last long in the feudal era.

* * *

The next time I saw Inuyasha, he was a feral child, living in the woods alone. I watched him running from a trio of demons that were hunting him. I would have called the demons child's-play, but I doubted the boy would agree. He clambered over a cliff-edge and out of sight.

Weeks later, I was blessed with a visit from my dear son. Yes, I am being sarcastic.

"That half-breed whelp thought he knew me!" Sesshomaru told me through clenched teeth.

"Why were you talking to the half-breed whelp?" I asked him in return, knowing it would rile him up.

"Don't change the subject! He has never seen me! Why would he recognize me?"

I tilted my head to the side thoughtfully and tapped my chin.

"I assure you, I have no idea."

* * *

FIN


End file.
